Funny Jokes (Over 18's only)

Rightly so.. It isnt remotly funny.

Didnt u learn of that experience?

The dead baby jokes were doing the rounds in the early 80s.

Lots of jokes are about bad things happening.... the previous 3 about being poisoned, infidelity and serious industrial injury, all of which would be traumatic to anybody having them happen for real.

So I agree that while there probably is a limit somewhere, and we should all be respectful of the opinions of others, this thread explicitly says it's for adults.

Personally, dead baby jokes are old, tired and therefore a bit low standard. But then at the macro level, all jokes are the same - an expectation not being delivered - so 🤷

Haha!

Lol I was WhatsApp'd that earlier!

I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

I was walking down the street, and I punched a white guy. I was arrested for assault. The next day, after I got out, I punched a black guy. I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

At the end of the tax year, Revenue Canada sent an Inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the Inspector was checking the books, he turned to the Chief Executive of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"

"Good question," noted the Chief Executive. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company. Every once in a while they send us a free roll."

"Oh, I see," replied the Inspector, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer, but on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Chief Executive, realizing that the Inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer. Every so often they send us a free bag of plaster."

"I see," replied the Inspector, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Chief Executive. "Well, what do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Chief Executive. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful.

"Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"

"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"

"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"

"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.

"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."

"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"

"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out.

I hate having visitors.

Hahahaha good one lol.

Weddings are an expensive way to let your entire family know you are fucking that night.

Hahaha brilliant!

A woman was telling her friend, “I made my husband a millionaire.”

Her friend replied, “And what was he before you married him?”

The woman said, “A multi-millionaire.”

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.
They have a high Mercury content!